Our FINAL difficult decision.

As we finish packing our home in Liberty, I feel it is necessary to finish the last chapter in our saga of difficult decisions.  It does feel a bit therapeutic to close this chapter at this point...

SO we left off here...with the devastating news that I did NOT get the teaching job in Liberty.  

I remember the morning that I went over to the school to inquire.  After all, it had been over 7 weeks since I interviewed for the job.  I knew the odds were good for me to be hired, but did have some doubt about having not had any job offer at that point.  But I wasn't too worried.  I was comforted by the fact that the community members were very supportive and said they would be CRAZY not to hire me, voiced even by those that worked within the administration.  

Some complications had actually arose within the school itself though.  The principal had resigned - but only a few weeks after interviewing me!  And so naturally, the school district had some rearranging to do.  

Early on in the summer, I simply did not press the issue that I had not been notified either way about the job.  But once July hit, I started to get a bit worried, desperately needing making plans for the school year, day care arrangements and adjustments within my home music studio.  I needed to know what the plan was.  

I often describe myself as a "paranoid planner" -

I really need to know what is coming and how I can make it the most productive.

But I'll admit that I had made ONE wrong decision at this point...

With the reassurance that I SHOULD get this job, I had NOT even looked for any other positions in the area.  I wasn't over-confident about what a super job-candidate I was, I simply trusted those that had reassured me that I was "in"for the Liberty position.

After hearing the district had an "interim" principal designated, early that Monday morning in mid-July (I had interviewed in May), I got up early and dressed professionally.  I went across the street to the school and walked inside.  The lights in the office were off, but the door was open so I went inside.  I knew most of the faculty were not in for the school year anyway. 

I rang the bell and waited.  

A nice lady popped her head around the corner and asked if she could help me.   I inquired about the status of the position, and she said "Oh hun, they hired someone weeks ago! I'm sorry you were not notified".

And that was it.

At that moment, my mind went into super-hyper-over-load....What were we going to do now? WHY did they not have the decency to notify me sooner?  How were we going to survive without a significant change in our existence?  What was Jon going to think?  Would he be upset with me?  How was I going to find another position in MID JULY???...but I said nothing to her.  I staggered out.

WOW. 

I don't even remember crying, but when I got home I did have black mascara streaks staining my face.   I didn't want Jon to see my pain, but it was radiating through me. 

Jon said "Honey, what's wrong"?

I told him what she said.  

Just know...I wasn't hurting because I had NOT been chosen for the position.  I hurt because I felt I had let my husband and my kids down.  Not a good feeling...

The rest is history...we had NO other option at this point.  

But what doors were God going to open for us now?  I admit that I was even a little excited at that thought!  God is SO good in these situations...

Sitting on the couch, cleaning my face off, I knew that I HAD to make something happen.  BUT, I only had 2 weeks left of the normal hiring "season" for teachers.  Quite a challenge...but tell me I CAN'T do something...and watch out!  I'll complete it quicker and better than most, simply because that's my character: 

Driven + Focused + Dedicated + Passionate = WATCH ME SUCCEED...even in the most adverse situations. (The US Army NCO Soldier in me, no doubt)

Within hours of finding out the "bad" news, I had a list (and printed description) of every music teacher position available within our area, as well as a one-hour radius around Austin.  I knew that if we had to move that way, we would have endless support with my wonderful family.  I was also able to go to both of these TX region websites and click on EVERY school district to double check their job openings.  

That is when I found Jarrell ISD's opening(s) - that SAME Monday morning.

There was something about this position that intrigued me.  After a short phone call with the SuperIntendant, inquiring about specifics, I was pretty excited.  It really seemed to fit my qualifications like a glove.  YAY...time to get a job!

Long story short...in 1 week I was able to apply to 13 total positions around Central Texas.  I was invited to 3 interviews and I got ONE offer.  Exhausting, but effective.

NOTE:  The teacher field is SO difficult right now, especially in the field of music.  There are music teachers around the country that have been "RIFFED" and let go due to budget cuts.  There are teachers with PHD's applying for assistant music jobs and even elementary positions.  Some of the positions I applied for had 80+ applicants!!  Not good odds, but I did NOT give up.  

Fast forward to today.  I LOVE my new job.  I teach 4 classes of Kinder through 4th grade music in the morning M-F (including MY girls H & T - they LOVE having Mommy as their Music teacher).  Then I have lunch on my own (sometimes WITH my girls, I love it) and travel to the Middle School.  I teach one MS Choir class, then finish my day at JHS (3 miles away) teaching the HS Choir class.  

Jarrell is a small 2A district, but has grown from a K-12 campus 5 years ago, to 3 campuses with a new HS and a brand new elementary.  It is not too far from Fort Hood too, and so there are a number of soldier's children enrolled.  My status as a veteran is much respected there.  They were also impressed that I had performed with Willie Nelson =)

Even though it is a small district, my elementary classroom is HUGE and (being brand new) equipped with high-tech gadgets that make teaching music SO fun and modern.    My MS and HS Choir students and eager to learn and REALLY great kids.  I couldn't ask for more.  The district appreciates having me and I appreciate being there. 

  

ENOUGH about me though...

Those of you who know us are probably a bit concerned about my beloved husband and his career, right?  That is a legitimate concern after all.   He is brilliant.  He is blessed.  He is SO talented.  But HE made the decision to put those things aside to get our lil family where we need to be.  I constantly asked him if this is what he wanted me to do, and painfully he said yes. 

So just to clarify, he will NOT be preaching full-time or even part-time in Austin.  In fact, he will be staying home with our two little ones while I'm teaching and taking the two older girls to school.  

I love my husband SO much, but I will admit that it is hard to see the hurt that this decision has caused him overall.  A lot of people don't know this, but he has been behind the pulpit on Sunday and Wednesday since he was a teenager.  He chose to follow in his grandfather's footsteps to preach the Gospel in AL.  He sacrificed his racing career to be a minister.  It is all he knows.  

BUT, I have no doubt that this situation is only temporary for him.  In fact, it opens a lot of doors for him... to pursue guest speaking and song leading, radio internships and commercial voice-over work that he never had time to do before.  Austin should be a great place to be for this too!  I'm actually quite excited to share his talents with churches all over Central Texas =)  

In the end I've learned a lot through this situation, which I'll expand upon another time.  But through it all, my FAITH made this whole experience bearable and kept me focused on what was ahead.  I KNEW He was watching out for us no matter what. 

God Bless my Friends...

Faith-Based Births...yes, you CAN!

Have you ever heard of or maybe even desired to have a "Faith-Based Birth"? 

Does that term sound exciting to you? Or perhaps completely terrifying?

When mentioning natural birthing, most women will automatically tune you out and say...."oh no, I'm not that strong" or "I can't take pain, there is no way".  Well, what if we called it a "Faith-Based Birth"?  I am proud to say that that is the best way to describe my 2nd, 3rd and 4th births, and they were AMAZING! 

After mentally healing from Hailey's natural-attempted hospital birth experience, I officially started out on a quest for other options in labor and delivery for my next pregnancy.  I desperately wanted to experience something closer to what I felt God intended for my body during childbirth.  I'm thrilled to share that I WAS able to have my own "Faith-Based Births" in 2005, 2008 AND 2010, and I can certainly reassure you that it can be done! Not only can it be done, but it could potentially be the most spiritual, empowering, or even inspirational experiences of your entire life.  I know mine were and I can't wait to share those stories with you in my next few posts....

Notice I did not use the words painful...

or scary...

or horrible...

it's amazing how a little bit of FAITH can go a LOOOONG way =)

Was there pain?  Yes, but nothing I couldn't deal with knowing that God was with me.  And yes, Eve ate of the fruit and put this childbirth burden on women for all time. (Gen. 3:16 - To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children...)  However, God will not put upon us anything we cannot handle, right?  Hmmm, something to ponder...

Another important point is this - I simply approached my second birth from the perspective of having a natural, midwife-assisted birth at a freestanding birthing center (2 min. from a hospital and next door to a firehouse).  I did not conceptualize "faith-based birthing" until after I was able to birth Tegan naturally, easily and was even able to pull her out myself during the water birth!!  It was THEN that I discovered the role that my own faith played in that process.


Honestly though,  from my perspective this topic intrigues yet saddens me at the same time.  Why?   Because SO many "modern-day" mothers (and Christian women) are missing out on these types of experiences for the most part.  Now let me clarify that this is NOT due to ignorance or lack of faith, rather due to a modern-medicine approach to birthing, which simply distracts them from its sacred origin and (for the most part) leaves the patient's faith at the front door of the hospital.  So where else can women turn but to the doctors and nurses over their delivery and care? In Hailey's birth experience, it simply felt like they were treating the pregnancy as a sickness rather than a natural, beautiful occurrence.  It's about regulations....it's about insurance...it's about what is considered "normal".  Well, just because something is considered normal or common in today's world, does not make it better or preferred for my body and my baby's journey into this world.

I've literally cried my eyes out thinking of how many women have been robbed of this potentially spiritual experience (especially when I knew one of my good friends is in labor...or being induced, leading them into having another c-section)... 

yes, the baby was healthy...

(or were they really? - more on that later)

yes, the mother was happy...

(of course she was, who wouldn't be happy to FINISH labor or a c-section *** which account for an alarming 40%+ of births in the US today!!**** to finally complete her 40 week pregnancy and hold their precious little one?)

...but, it could have been so much more, perhaps what God intended it to be?  This is what saddens me the most when they for the most part don't really know any better =(

As for the act of labor, I feel that something special and sacred goes on when a woman is "travailing." She's working with God to bring another spirit into the world.  As a Christian woman who has experienced this with an open mind and body full of faith, I often think - who would want to miss that or cheat themselves of this?  What I've discovered is that most women in modern society don't even realize what they are missing or realize what their body is truly capable of.  Yes, this is what saddens me the most, BUT this is where I felt the need to blog and share...and so here we are!

Have you ever just stopped and really thought about the process of conception and childbirth and how amazing it is that women can even accomplish this? For me, this is where my FAITH stepped in to remind me that the way our bodies were designed to birth is truly amazing and perfect.  But what I've discovered through my own experiences, is that if you don't have faith in that process, then you are allowing yourself to live by FEAR and not FAITH. Then He said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." (Luke 7:50)  Also, And He said to her, "Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace." (Luke 8:48)  

Along the lines of fear, most women also take themselves out of the birthing process equation completely by allowing others to do the work for them.  Women and mothers in the 21st century are strong, capable, multi-tasking mothers that work all hours of the day and night...but then they do not allow themselves the opportunity to feel empowered through their births?  Seems like we need to bring FAITH back into birthing around the world, but especially in the US.  And no, I do not expect the doctors and OB/GYNs to lead this revolution...but you are in control of your own body, so ultimately it is up to you.

It's important for me to say this: I am NOT trying to put myself on a pedestal or come across that I am better or stronger than any other mother out there.  Perhaps a little more enlightened, yes.  I was so blessed to go on this journey and to be able to experience faith-based birthing.  My quest is ongoing, but what I've experienced thus far has been life-changing - for me and my babies.  Most importantly though, I believe these births have made my relationship with God stronger, and for that I am proud and I think others would be too (if they only knew they could). 

Do you think I'm a little crazy at this point?  I'll admit, I do expect some to label me as such, but...just remember, either way you gotta have faith!

You gotta have FAITH...

Being the first post on my new blog, I'm excited to finally have a venue to express my thoughts and continual discoveries for all to see.  I will be the first to admit that I'm not the best writer, but in recent years I have become more and more passionate about the art of communication.  Whether it's in my family life or my professional life, I've realized that without effective communication, you just cannot survive in our hectic world. 
 
The motivation for this blog is to simply share information with others.  I always seem to have ideas and questions running through my head, but it's only because I'm searching for the right answers to figure them out.  And you will soon see that most of my answers come back to the Bible...and then I ask "why" again, but in a good way =) This is where FAITH comes in...but more on that later.

My personality is such that I ask "why" a lot.  And I promise it's not because I am trying to be disrespectful or rude, but simply because I want solid proof to back up the decisions that I see being made around me.  I will not ultimately believe something just because someone else says it.  I think that God expects us to be accountable as individuals and I support that by thinking and researching for myself.  My brilliant sister has been a huge inspiration for me on this front...I will no doubt be refering to her as well.

I assure you though, my personality has always been this way...even before motherhood.  As a soldier, I would sometimes get in trouble for questioning authority.  It didn't matter the rank on the collar, if they honestly did not know what they were talking about, I just had to speak up and help them.  However, anyone can look at the Certificate of Appreciation plaque on my wall from Command Sgt Major Larry Lacorn at Fort Lee, VA and know that I never overstepped my bounds in questioning him.  I was only trying to better our situation and organization by asking him "why" on so many different occasions, and he thanked me for it in the end!

On this blog I plan on discussing topics on motherhood that some might normally shy away from.  Some will be God-based and some might not be.  But my voice will come only through love (I Cor. 13:13) and FAITH (Mat. 17:20).  Why is that?  Because everyone (especially young Christian mothers) deserve the chance to be reminded of the "why" and sometimes even the "how" we were created and designed to function.  From the bottom of my heart I just feel obligated to put more information out there.  My FAITH in God is so strong that I just cannot live in silence any more....

Am I an organic, all-natural obsessed mother?  No.  Have I come to realize that living more natural and "green" is better and perhaps more God like, oh yes =)  Is the modernization of society ultimately bad?  No.  But are there things that we are doing in the modern world that are perhaps more convienient and mainstream, but NOT better....and ultimately NOT what God intended for us.  I believe Yes for sure!  This is specifically what got me thinking and questioning certain topics years ago.  A lot of these realizations are logically centered around the 4 natural births of my beautiful babies in the last 7 years...which I will refer back to quite often as well. 

Am I on a quest for "crunchiness"? Perhaps...it does seem that every time I look for an answer to something new, I do slowly move that direction.  If you are not familiar with the term "crunchy", it is basically an effort to live more natural, more green, more environmental friendly.  Because of my FAITH, I do have crunchy tendancies though...and as a Christian mother or parent, maybe you do too...perhaps you have just been too distracted to know it yet?  I know I was, until the point that it hit me in the face and I couldn't look away anymore.

One thing I have noticed though...with most of the crunchy online communities, there is a lot of talk about "Mother Earth" but not too much about God.  If I have missed some, please do share.  But I hope to provide a perspective through my FAITH in God , of which you simply might not find other places.

I welcome you to keep an open mind and check back with me twice a week to see what is on my mind, and perhaps you will share your thoughts too...